Are These Really the Golden Years?
For older Californians, life can be stressful and overwhelming as personal
losses accumulate. In a single year or two, an individual could lose a
spouse, his or her health, the ability to drive, and the ability to live in
ones home independently.
In some countries, the elderly enjoy an elevated social status because of
the experience and the wisdom they have to share. An extensive family
network shares responsibility for older family members, who view it as an
honor and opportunity to repay the debt of those who cared for them when
they were small.
But in America’s “youth culture,” it’s easy for the elderly to feel devalued
and pushed aside in favor of those who are more attractive, more agile, and
more productive. By the same token, an increasing number of adult children
feel squeezed between the needs of both their parents and their children.
While there are no easy answers for the elderly or their caregivers, there
are some things that can be done to make elder care easier including
arranging for help, educating ones self, and setting limits.
Help is Available
Arranging for help may disappoint the elderly person in your life.
Therefore, it is important to reassure your loved one that your goal is to
help him or her safely maintain the most independence safely.
• Adult day care:
These centers offer a welcome respite from full-time care giving.
Centers offer three types of care: social activities and meals for
elders who can benefit from more engagement; more intensive health,
therapeutic, and social services for those at risk for more extensive
care; and Alzheimer’s specific care. Many offer services on a sliding
fee scale.
• Non-medical home health care: Some home health agencies specialize in
a wide array of services that include doing light housework, laundry,
scheduling or preparing meals, running of errands, providing
transportation, and doing telephone check-ups.
• Social services: These can range from Meals on Wheels and affordable
housing programs to senior outreach and protective services’ programs
that can assist frail adults. Seniors are often most receptive to such
services when they are proposed by a respected professional.
What You Can Do Right Now
1. Practice
self-care first. You can only be a good caregiver if you take time to
ensure your own well-being through enjoyable activities, respite from
care giving, and maintaining your health through diet and exercise.
2. Learn about your loved one’s condition. This will help you plan ahead
and know what to expect as the illness progresses.
3. Show sensitivity. You can help an elderly person maintain dignity by
speaking in the same way you like to be spoken to and by sitting at
eye-level to speak with someone in a wheelchair.
4. Offer time to sit and talk. Consider visiting with take-out
sandwiches rather than showing up to make a home-made meal, if your
loved one would rather spend your time together talking.
5. Set limits. When an elderly person makes unreasonable demands or is
inflexible, critical or negative, change the subject and focus on the
positive. Explain what you can and will do and what you cannot. Set time
limits for discussions of health complaints and then decide what merits
action.
6. Find a support group. You can tap into new resources to provide
respite, hope, and reassurance for yourself.
7. Consult with a marriage and family therapist (MFT) who specializes in
elder care issues. MFTs can provide counseling for the elderly to reduce
anxiety, provide emotional support, and MFTs may use interventions that
can result in more satisfying daily life.
Articles:
[PDF Files]
Grandma Doesn’t Live Here Anymore
Older Adults at Greatest Risk for Suicide
Reference Material:
[PDF Files]
When
the Golden Years Aren’t So Golden: Caring for the Elderly
Helpful Resources:
American Society on Aging
www.asaging.org
California Department of Mental Health
www.dmh.cahwnet.gov
Center for Elderly Suicide Prevention
www.growthhouse.org/cesp.html
Center for Healthy Aging
www.centerforhealthyaging.org
